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I know a lot of us wish we had done some things differently in life. I am one of those people who believe that everything down to the hole in my underwear is there for a reason. Everything serves a purpose and we just don’t know it yet. Sometimes it’s made clear to us: “If I had been early for work I would have got caught in the rain and there was an accident on I-20…” Yet other times, things may not ever be revealed to us and we are just left to wonder.

Truth is, the thing about wondering what could have been and what should have been never seems to satisfy the ache caused by the absence of the truth. What I’m saying is that we may never know why what happened to our children happened  or what caused it… what we do know is that we are here for them to nurture, love, and support them the best way we know possible.

I’ve found in my quest for “why” continued to eat at me until I came to grips with everything. Realizing that this blessing from God that I had given birth to was a bright, beautiful individual with gifts to offer the world was kinda difficult for me at first. We focus so much on the negative that sometimes we can’t see the miracle that’s staring at us everyday. For this little boy to come into my life and share with me his askew view of the world and his genuine, pure sweetness… I couldn’t ask for a better son. His naivety and true sheer amazement with things that are so miniscule to the average person (and his ability to show me the beauty and wonder in them)  is such an adventure… I’m blessed to be his mother.

And maybe it’s because I know that because he has autism and that his mindset will be absent of falsehoods and maliciousness… that he will be sheltered somewhat more than other boys from the world, I know that trouble that typical parents might face, I may not face. Then again, who knows what kinda “ladies man” or “hell cat” I maybe raising. *LOL* The point is: We don’t know. That’s scary as hell but I love him… I love him for today and everyday that I’m blessed to be with him and no matter who he becomes I know that I am apart of molding that. It makes me proud.

I know we ask: “Well, will he be able to drive? Will he have a girlfriend? Will he go to Prom? Will he be in love or will someone love him?” We wont know these things but what I do know is I will help give him every opportunity to live life as a typical young man. If he can handle it or can be prepared for it, I’ll try it.  These questions scare us all. The future is frightening… but so is everybody’s future… we don’t know what will happen to US in the next few minutes let alone years!

We all have fears that they will be mistreated and abused but any typical child can experience all of this as well. Our children are more susceptible to this because of their innocence and disability. This is where it is our job to go the extra mile in teaching them about “stranger danger” and “good touch, bad touch” (but on steroids x100) so that they can understand or even be a little over-reactive (this is a good thing to me) in being cautious about who they can trust and who they can’t. Trust me, I, on occasion have had nightmares about my son being hurt by someone and I couldn’t get to him or he couldn’t explain to me what had happened to him. This is why I am proactive in teaching him about his body parts and the correct name for everything, where his penis is and not to let anyone touch his penis, that if someone tries to touch him scream NO!…. for a while I didn’t know if he understood what I was saying but I have come to realize that I underestimate my son sometimes and he has a good understanding of what I want. Trust your kids and that they can understand you even if you don’t get the type of response back that you think you should. They will surprise you with what they can retain.

Do all you can and spend that extra “face time” with them everyday. Don’t just be teachers… be “active listeners” too. They have some interesting things to say, especially when what they are trying to get at finally comes together. You both have that “ah-ha moment” *LOL*

Try not to worry about that aspect of things and focus on right now. What can you do for your baby today… work on tomorrow… see where it goes.

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